Actually, before all this, I already had a faint thought of renouncing lay life. But it was very light, very distant, like a faint glimmer in the night sky. And impermanence illuminated that glimmer all at once. I knew that if I hesitated, perhaps my whole life would pass by. And so, I walked the path of renunciation.

After becoming a monk, I thought I would find a clear direction, but to my surprise, what came was another confusion. Different Dharma methods, each claiming supremacy. Those who chant the Buddha's name say the Pure Land is most reliable; Zen practitioners say directly pointing to the mind is fastest; Vajrayana has elaborate and solemn rituals and practice systems. Some even asserted that Mahayana is not the Buddha's word.

I was once very lost. Especially when I deeply encountered later Indian Vajrayana, I felt that its external forms, ritual expressions, and cultural presentations differed significantly from the simple and direct teachings of the Buddha's time and the rational analysis of the early Buddhist schools. This difference made me constantly ponder: is the development of the Dharma an unfolding of skillful means, or has it assimilated cultural elements of different eras through historical evolution?

I do not easily dismiss any tradition. But I deeply understand that practice cannot be built on vagueness and blind faith. If one cannot discern the development of Dharma lineages, how can one find peace and establish one's life?

And so, I decided to return to the source. I relearnt the fundamental teachings from the time of the Buddha; from the Four Noble Truths, the Noble Eightfold Path, and Dependent Origination, I sought to understand the core of the Buddha's original teachings. Then I traced the splitting of the Sangha a hundred years after the Buddha's parinirvana, understanding the formation of early Buddhist schools; and further studied the rise of Mahayana thought, especially Nagarjuna Bodhisattva's elucidation of emptiness.

Later, I turned my attention to the development of Chinese Buddhism. It was not until I encountered the teachings of Master Zhiyi (the founder of the TianTai Sect) that many of my inner divisions and confusions gradually found peace. In his system, I saw that the Dharma is not mutually conflicting but progressively revealed; not mutually negating but adapted to different capacities.

More importantly, I saw a complete and clearly ordered path of practice — starting from hearing and contemplating, through the practice of samatha and vipassana, ultimately returning to the harmonious awareness of the one mind. At that moment, I felt I had finally found a path that could bridge ancient and modern times, encompass all traditions, and at the same time be grounded in actual realisation.